My Own Worst Enemy

The other day I did something that I’ve never done before.

I totally skipped my 6am Circuit Training class.  I overslept.  There’s no excuse for why it happened, it just did.  I think my alarm clock was set correctly, but who knows.  I either slept through it, it didn’t go off, or I shut it off.  I woke up at 6:07, extremely confused when my alarm sounded different, and then full of panic when I realized that said alarm was actually the front desk calling to see if I was okay.

I won’t even tell you how many F bombs came out of my mouth, how fast that bedside light turned on, and how unhappy Tim probably was with me (even though he said it wasn’t a big deal) with the unexpected wake up call.

I have taught at least one 6am group exercise class a week for over five years.  FIVE YEARS.  I have taught this one particular 6am Thursday class in Oak Square for three years.  And not once have I even been late to any of them, nevermind overslept.

Those of you who know me know how I can’t even deal with being late for things, so I’m sure you can only imagine what my state of mind was like all day.  I mean, it’s one thing to be late or in this case, oversleep, and have it only affect you and your own day and plans.  But I felt like I let the people in my morning class down.  People who wake up every single week in the 5 o’clock hour to take my class, push themselves, and make fitness a priority in their life.

I beat myself up about this all day long.  I was over-dramatic and posted about it on my Facebook page.  I couldn’t concentrate at work.  And yes, I cried about it in the shower that morning like a huge loser.  And you know what?

It doesn’t even matter.

worrying

I mean, I’m sure my class was bummed,  but they all probably forgot about it in an hour.  A couple of people left to take Lauren’s cycle class, maybe a couple of others chose to leave the gym all together, and Ashley pulled up an F&F workout on her iPad to do with Jen and Katie instead.   Nobody was mad at me, everyone was more concerned/worried than anything else.  I’m a human.  Everyone makes mistakes.  The Y went on.  Nobody died…

So why did I let myself feel the way I did all day?  Because I am my own worst enemy, that’s why.  I’m so hard on myself, and I can never cut myself any slack.  When I make a mistake, I act like it’s the end of the world.  Even when I do something well, I often think it’s not good enough!  I could get thirty compliments about something, and one piece of criticism, maybe even constructive criticism, and you bet that is the one I’m focusing on.  If I have any down time, I get mad about not making myself being more productive instead.  If the clean laundry is sitting in the basket, I’m a nervous wreck.  If I sleep in, I’ve “wasted the day” even if it’s only noontime.  It’s no wonder I’m anxious and worry all the time...

Worrying

At least I’m self-aware?  But it’s time to take a step back and stop being such a mean self critic.  I can dish out advice to other people like the best of them, but I need to take my own advice now.  Instead of harping on my mistakes, I need to focus on learning from them and using them as opportunities to grow.  So yeah, from now on I’ll be sure to set 8 alarms, but maybe I can also try to see the good in the situation.  Because I missed class, I got to finally take one of Lauren’s classes that night, which was fantastic and left me feeling way better than I did all day.  Maybe I need to take the fact that I overslept as a sign to slow down?  It’s something I’ve tried to do for a while now anyways.  Or maybe I should just appreciate that my class members know me, appreciate me, and obviously understand that these things happen.

Something I’d like to start remembering more often, and maybe something that can help any of you like me, is this:

war with yourself

If you get down on yourself, remember that you are doing the best you can.  And only you have the power to choose, right now, that your best is good enough.

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6 thoughts on “My Own Worst Enemy

  1. It just means that you are human, we all make mistakes. You are like the energizer bunny constantly on the go, so I guess this is proof that you are human (This is a good thing)

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  2. Do not sweat! You do so much for the participants weekly, they’re grateful for you! It’s bound to happen to all of us; the best part about it is you got it over with, and now it hopefully won’t happen again 🙂 Head up!

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  3. It has happened to all of us! Sometimes it just happens…. the clock doesn’t ring, we are too tired to hear it, the time is set wrong, power goes out, etc. Slowing down is ok, your grandfather used to say, take the time to smell the roses. I could never figure out what that meant back then but it is true! It is good for the soul to relax.

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  4. Umm are we twins?! I am literally exactly like everything you described yourself as in this post. I am my harshest critic and take everything way too seriously. The part about feeling bad with ‘down time’ is something I deal with all the time! It’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one like this!

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  5. Sometimes it takes stuff like this to make us realize to actually slow down! It’s life, it happens. And your class members appreciate you no matter what. Honestly, if it was any other class where the instructor failed to show up to I would probably have dragged myself upstairs for a quick workout on the treadmill. My first thoughts were “Athena would be proud” so we stuck it out and the hour flew by. Thanks for all your encouragement 🙂

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  6. Pingback: Weekly Workouts | Fitness & Feta

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