Some of you may have noticed my Facebook post last week that insinuated I found myself in an awkward situation.
Moi!? In an awkward sitch?
Last Thursday night I hosted a wine and cheese night at my apartment with my old roomies. That night I ended up staying at work a little later than anticipated, so I was running a little behind on my errands. When I left work I still had to go to the grocery store to pick up some snacks and ingredients for homemade pizzas and salads, and I also wanted to pick up an extra bottle of red wine. I definitely had enough wine at home in my new little wine corner, but I only had one bottle of red and wanted to make sure I had enough in case the girls were craving red.
ANYWAYS. I decided to go to the Stop & Shop right near my office. I remember thinking to myself as I was rushing in, “Athena, you should probably change into your flats instead of charging through the store in your heels.”
But I didn’t.
I got all my groceries, and on the way out realized that there was a liquor store right next to Stop & Shop. Perfect! I also remember thinking to myself, “Athena, you should probably put these two bags of groceries in the car before you go picking out your wine.”
But I didn’t.
I barged into the liquor store to pick out my ONE bottle of wine, but because I’m a complete sucker for a sale, got distracted by the 3 bottles for $25 sign hanging above the Cupcake section. I decided I would just stock up despite the fact I was already stocked up at home. At this point, I couldn’t pick out my three bottles while still holding my two grocery bags and purse, so I asked the guys behind the register if I could put my grocery bags down on the counter for a hot second. They agreed, so I did just that and picked out my three bottles.
After checking out, I thought I was all set. I was carrying out my grocery bags in my left hand, with my purse over my left shoulder, and I did one “smooth” swoop of the wine bottles in the paper bag so that I was holding it underneath my right arm. I went on my way, heels clicking along, and left the guys behind the counter to probably shake their heads and laugh at the hot mess bag lady.
Hot mess? Also an understatement.
So because I’m all for extra steps throughout the day and parked about a mile away from the entrance (or so it felt), I had ways to go from the entrance of the liquor store to my car. I made it there – ALMOST – when the back of my right pant leg caught on my heel. And I pitched forward. And my precious cargo (“NOT the 3 for $25, NOT the 3 for $25!”) went FLYING. And then it fell to the ground. And then it broke. Everywhere.
Three bottles of wine, broken. Lots of glass. A huge puddle.
At this point, any passerby definitely changed their perception of me from hot mess bag lady to alcoholic Tourette’s girl. Because I was literally swearing, MOTHER EFFER EFF SH*T EFF MOTHER EFF SH*T, as I just stood there staring at my mess. I’m not really sure how the bag fell at the angle it did, but I guess it pitched forward just as I did. It looked like I could have thrown the bag a few feet in front of me. I am very lucky, looking back at it now, that I didn’t get hurt with the glass OR ruin my dress pants with that stupid bottle of red wine. Also, if any of my readers just happen to be the parents of the children who may or may not be introducing F bombs into their vocabulary this week after seeing/hearing my episode, please accept my dearest apologies.
So what do you do after this happens? And after you make a huge scene? You barge right back into the liquor store blubbering, that’s what! I asked for someone to clean up the mess because I didn’t want anyone to get hurt or drive over the glass, and then I had the nerve to say, “I know this wasn’t your fault… I mean, YOU weren’t the one who tripped… but… is there any way I can get three more bottles?”
<insert cutest possible face here>
Note – not cute at all. I was blubbering, remember?
Now the three guys are looking at each other like, wtf do we do. Their manager wasn’t there, so they couldn’t give me free bottles as much as they felt bad for me. But I was on a mission. I bought three more. I wasn’t leaving without them!
Yep, I said I bought three more. So for those of you still reading (thank you) and paying attention (thank you) and doing the math, I spent FIFTY stupid dollars on wine when all I wanted to get was one bottle of red.
So you know what? The girls and I drank that wine and pretended it was the fanciest, classiest wine we’ve ever drank. And we had a wonderful night full of food, wine, and catching up.
Moral of the story?
- Take off your heels when grocery shopping.
- Put grocery bags away after grocery shopping / before next errand.
- Stop being such a sucker for a sale.
Oh, and one more thing. Sometimes the blubbering face works. The liquor store called me the next morning (because yes, I left my name and number), and said that while they couldn’t replace all three bottles for me since my little “accident” happened in the parking lot and not in the store, they did say that next time I come in they will be happy to give me one bottle for free.
…but I might be too embarrassed to ever go back there again.
Tell me about an awkward moment you’ve had lately! Anything involving a graceful and dainty trip or fall?
For more of my awkward life, check out these past Awk Spot posts:
- The Time I Taught Barefoot Zumba
- The Time Tim Tried Spin Class
- The Time Slesh Hugged A Stranger
- The Time I Was THAT Girl in the Audience
- The Time I Got Hit On at the Gym and then Tripped
- The Time I Was Afraid of Balls
- The Time Everyone Put Their Hands Up
- The Time(s) I Got Pooped On
- The Time I Got Stuck in a Drive Through ATM <—possibly my most embarrassing moment to date
- The Time I Got Yelled At On a Plane
- The Time I Forgot My Towel
- The Time I Was a Massage Virgin
- The Time I Needed Mothballs & Pantyhose