My Own Worst Enemy

The other day I did something that I’ve never done before.

I totally skipped my 6am Circuit Training class.  I overslept.  There’s no excuse for why it happened, it just did.  I think my alarm clock was set correctly, but who knows.  I either slept through it, it didn’t go off, or I shut it off.  I woke up at 6:07, extremely confused when my alarm sounded different, and then full of panic when I realized that said alarm was actually the front desk calling to see if I was okay.

I won’t even tell you how many F bombs came out of my mouth, how fast that bedside light turned on, and how unhappy Tim probably was with me (even though he said it wasn’t a big deal) with the unexpected wake up call.

I have taught at least one 6am group exercise class a week for over five years.  FIVE YEARS.  I have taught this one particular 6am Thursday class in Oak Square for three years.  And not once have I even been late to any of them, nevermind overslept.

Those of you who know me know how I can’t even deal with being late for things, so I’m sure you can only imagine what my state of mind was like all day.  I mean, it’s one thing to be late or in this case, oversleep, and have it only affect you and your own day and plans.  But I felt like I let the people in my morning class down.  People who wake up every single week in the 5 o’clock hour to take my class, push themselves, and make fitness a priority in their life.

I beat myself up about this all day long.  I was over-dramatic and posted about it on my Facebook page.  I couldn’t concentrate at work.  And yes, I cried about it in the shower that morning like a huge loser.  And you know what?

It doesn’t even matter.

worrying

I mean, I’m sure my class was bummed,  but they all probably forgot about it in an hour.  A couple of people left to take Lauren’s cycle class, maybe a couple of others chose to leave the gym all together, and Ashley pulled up an F&F workout on her iPad to do with Jen and Katie instead.   Nobody was mad at me, everyone was more concerned/worried than anything else.  I’m a human.  Everyone makes mistakes.  The Y went on.  Nobody died…

So why did I let myself feel the way I did all day?  Because I am my own worst enemy, that’s why.  I’m so hard on myself, and I can never cut myself any slack.  When I make a mistake, I act like it’s the end of the world.  Even when I do something well, I often think it’s not good enough!  I could get thirty compliments about something, and one piece of criticism, maybe even constructive criticism, and you bet that is the one I’m focusing on.  If I have any down time, I get mad about not making myself being more productive instead.  If the clean laundry is sitting in the basket, I’m a nervous wreck.  If I sleep in, I’ve “wasted the day” even if it’s only noontime.  It’s no wonder I’m anxious and worry all the time...

Worrying

At least I’m self-aware?  But it’s time to take a step back and stop being such a mean self critic.  I can dish out advice to other people like the best of them, but I need to take my own advice now.  Instead of harping on my mistakes, I need to focus on learning from them and using them as opportunities to grow.  So yeah, from now on I’ll be sure to set 8 alarms, but maybe I can also try to see the good in the situation.  Because I missed class, I got to finally take one of Lauren’s classes that night, which was fantastic and left me feeling way better than I did all day.  Maybe I need to take the fact that I overslept as a sign to slow down?  It’s something I’ve tried to do for a while now anyways.  Or maybe I should just appreciate that my class members know me, appreciate me, and obviously understand that these things happen.

Something I’d like to start remembering more often, and maybe something that can help any of you like me, is this:

war with yourself

If you get down on yourself, remember that you are doing the best you can.  And only you have the power to choose, right now, that your best is good enough.

Allow Yourself to Go with the Flow of Life

How’s everyone’s Thursday going?  Anything interesting happen today?

For this post, I’m rewinding a few days.  We can talk Monday, then get really excited afterwards because it’s really almost the weekend!

Monday Night Floor Hours

On Monday night I worked my floor shift at the Y.  In case you are wondering what a floor shift entails, let’s take a looksie:

  • From 5:05-5:25, I teach a 20 minute Core Strength class.
  • During my entire shift, I walk around and help members with form, equipment, complaints, etc.
  • Jess, another new Y health and wellness coach, works at the same time as me so we’ve been using the time to exchange fitness ideas.  Jess actually inspired the inchworm in my Schweaty Spring Workout from Tuesday night class, so you guys can thank her for that!
  • Facilitate “Get Started” appointments.  Get Started is three free sessions of individualized, one-on-one coaching support where a health and wellness coach will help members “get started” and will continue to personally monitor progress through monthly fit checks.  During my shift there are three time slots for potential Get Started appointments.  These not only make the time fly by, but they expose me as a new personal trainer to potential new clients as well.
  • Other:  Make sure the facility looks clean, tidy up magazine racks, organize weights, refill cleaning solution, and close down when my shift ends at 10:30 at night.

Of course I need to be ready for the unexpected as well.  This Monday night, the 7:45 yoga instructor didn’t show up for class.  I didn’t want the class to have to go home, so I volunteered to step in and teach a low impact core class that would incorporate some moves from what I’ve picked up at Prana.  I figured that would be better than nothing, right!?  However, there ended up being a certified yoga instructor TAKING the class, so she actually ended up teaching the class so everyone could get a full yoga class like they came for.  Despite this, my director still asked me to sit in and make sure everything went smoothly and that the fill-in was teaching correct form.

Sweet!  I got to take an unexpected class!

That was my first reaction anyways.  Once I was on the mat and realized that the class was Kripalu yoga, I definitely did not feel as excited.  Here’s a little description of Kripalu yoga:

Kripalu is a gentle practice that urges participants to hold poses to explore and release emotional and spiritual blockages.  Focus on learning the postures and exploring your bodies abilities while holding the postures for an extended time, developing concentration and inner awareness.  Practice meditation in motion in which the movement from one posture to another arises unconsciously and spontaneously.

Gentle?!  Ugh.  Normally I’m not one for yoga unless it’s a heated power yoga class in more of a vinyasa flow style.  I get antsy if I’m not sweating, and it’s just not my thing.  I like to be moving and get my heart pumping.

I will be the first to admit that I had a bad attitude going into this.  But you know what?

It was exactly what I needed. 

Monday wasn’t exactly the greatest day for me.  I didn’t sleep a wink on Sunday (tossing and turning) and then I overslept on Monday morning, which I never do.  I was exhausted and didn’t feel well all day.  It was just one of those days where I felt like I couldn’t accomplish anything and nothing was going “like it was supposed to.”  You guys know what I’m talking about.  So I think getting to take a yoga class where I could just lay there, relax, and BREATHE through the poses ended up being the perfect remedy for my Monday blues.

Plus, the fill in instructor did an amazing job improvising!  As we were preparing for shavasana (the final pose in yoga), something she said really struck a chord with me.  She talked about how yoga really brings out a sense of community in people, and how even though the instructor didn’t show up that night, nobody got mad.  Nobody complained.  Everyone just sort of embraced the situation and made the best of it.

She then said this:

“We just allowed ourselves to go with the flow of life.  And we should try to do that every single day, no matter what the situation is.  The flow of life.  Let it happen.  Because however it does, it’s beautiful.”

And that got me thinking.  I know that during shavasana you are supposed to clear your mind and just focus on the present — relaxing, breathing, and releasing tension in the body — but during this particular shavasana my mind wandered to one of my biggest faults, overreacting.  When things don’t go according to plan, I often can’t handle it.  I feel anxious, I get overwhelmed, and I completely overreact before taking a step back to think the situation through.  It’s something I’ve been trying to work on for a long time, and I’m definitely taking these wonderful words and putting them in my back pocket for when I find myself overreacting next.  I think they will definitely help the Type A in me see the positive in wherever the flow of life is taking me that day.

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Have you ever had a coach or instructor say something during class that really struck a chord with you personally?  What was it?  What are your thoughts on a more meditative type of yoga?  Are you Type A like me?  Do you think what the instructor on Monday said could help you in any way?

Embrace whatever tonight has in store for you!!